A phrase that has bothered me for essentially my whole life is 'whatever kills you makes you stronger', my thoughts are illustrated in this Tumblr post I reblogged. I am somewhat of a pessimist in most situations so perhaps that why I find the phrase particularly bothersome, but it's a genuinely flawed form of motivation.
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| What many people don't know is that The Inbetweeners is actually full of motivational quotes. |
I think in a lot of cases, it's important to tell people that things get better. Whether it be regarding school, as there will one day be a point where you won't be in education, or whether it be regarding mental health issues, as sometimes it can seem like things will never improve, it is in a lot of cases important to emphasize that things do get better.
However, telling people that because something doesn't kill you, you'll end up stronger, is silly - in fact, to use a phrase coined by Jeremy Bentham, it's 'nonsense upon stilts'*. For example, on average 1 in 4 women experience domestic violence over their lifetimes and between 6-10% of women suffer domestic violence in a given year - sure, they may not have died, but that doesn't mean they ended up stronger on the other side and it's quite likely that the experience stayed with them and has had a massively negative impact on their day-to-day lives. Saying 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' belittles a person's problem and invalidates their feelings as a result, and there are many more situations where this same thing would happen and a person would end up having their problem reduced and their right to feel and react to a situation in a certain way revoked.
I understand that there are some situations where a bad experience will teach you how to respond in a future, similar situation because you'll have newfound knowledge, but does that make you stronger? If a close relative dies and you grieve and learn to go about your day-to-day life again, that doesn't really make you stronger for when another close relative dies. Life isn't a mathematical equation, no situation is ever exactly the same so even if you know how to respond to a similar situation, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll be stronger in that situation. Saying 'whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger' makes it seem like a bad period in someone's life is just a learning curve which is absolute crap, bad things happen to people, and there probably isn't some sort of purpose behind it, it's just 'screws fall out all the time, the world's an imperfect place'** so what we should do is let people respond to bad situations in their own way (as long as it's not hurting other people y'know sensibly), don't attempt to reduce their problem by telling them it's just a learning curve.
So, I propose that we change the phrase:
'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'
and replace it with:
'what doesn't kill won't make you stronger but more knowledgeable in a certain situation so you may have a better idea of how to respond but that won't at all diminish the pain caused because your feelings are valid and shouldn't be dismissed'
But I somehow don't think that's got as much of a ring to it, but as long as you remember that your feelings are valid, and it's okay to not be okay sometimes, that's all that matters here.
Do you like motivational quotes?
So, I propose that we change the phrase:
'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'
and replace it with:
'what doesn't kill won't make you stronger but more knowledgeable in a certain situation so you may have a better idea of how to respond but that won't at all diminish the pain caused because your feelings are valid and shouldn't be dismissed'
But I somehow don't think that's got as much of a ring to it, but as long as you remember that your feelings are valid, and it's okay to not be okay sometimes, that's all that matters here.
Do you like motivational quotes?
So lovely blog :)
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